i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
