I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
