Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dick very happy bro
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
