Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
