Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
