Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
