it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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