he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
