I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
