this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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