There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
