Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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