just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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