Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
