Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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