Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
