the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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