this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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