I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
