So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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