just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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