Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
