I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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