if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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