I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
