Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
