All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
