This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
