u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
