if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
