also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
