The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did I show you my penis last night?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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