mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize