I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
