Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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