don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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