Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my poor anus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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