There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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