I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
