I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
