my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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