and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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