A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
