I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize