Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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