I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
