what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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