I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
