Porn is love you can see.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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