Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
