I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
