Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
