Im at strip club and am horny
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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