If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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