When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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