There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
