chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
