no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
