there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
