u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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