weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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