Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
