Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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