those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
