im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
