That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
