it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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