he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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