I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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