I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
