Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You smell like stripper and shame
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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