It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
