first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
