I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize