Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
