come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
