Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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