No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
