My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
