I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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