Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
