Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
