Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
