You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize