Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
