you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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