$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
