toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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