Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
