It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
