My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize