Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
