I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
