There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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