Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
