i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
