is wine microwaveable?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
