In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
