lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
