sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
