Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
