I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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