Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The air was thick with penises
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
