I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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